Vile

I think I'd make a good villain.

Obviously I would have a lot to learn about henchmen, superweapons, and being evil. I mean, it's not like they taught it in college (correction: I'm pretty sure they didn't teach it in college, but I never took accounting classes). I don't think I want to try to work my way up from henchman either. In the first place, I can't imagine that henchmen have very good promotion prospects. In the second place, I'm not sure the point of being a villain is to work your way up throught he ranks honestly.

Anyway, to get started I'd need a secret hideout. Let's consider some real-life villains. Doctor Doom for example...he has a legion of minions and his own small Eastern-European country and lots of superweapons. Plus the awesome mask is a plus. Latveria. Hmm...you know on second thought I'm pretty sure he's not real.

Well...I mean a real villain is someone like Bin Laden, right? He has henchmen...a whole bunch of them. They even have a crazy villain organization name...not cool like SPECTRE...but still a name. Al-Quaida. I'm not sure Allah's wrath counts as a superweapon, but didn't he put fear into the hearts of millions, if not billions of people by committing the most heinous atrocity man has seen in like 60 years. Wow...what an asshole.

Of course 70 years ago there was another villain that we can look upon for inspiration. He only committed genocide and was the impetus for the biggest war in history.

I don't want to be a villain anymore.

Reboot

I've got to say that I have just been feeling very hollow lately. I think it's time to get going again. I was very hesitant about taking a semester without any classes and I see now that it was a mistake. Without any kind of driving force I've gotten a little bogged down in my mind. Stuck in my boring job with nothing to do pretty much all day and no outlet for creativity but my writing, which isn't going too well right now, I feel like I'm not relaxing the way I wanted to in a free semester. My time gets either clogged up with just screwing around or it's super busy and I'm running around too much.

I'm still looking for the somewhere in between. I don't seem to be able to find it. It's sad to admit to myself, but the simple fact of the matter is that I prefer to be irretrievably busy. I thrive when there's lots to do. I get lost in the myriad of nothing when there isn't.

I'm buying a bike this week. Hopefully that will get me back toward the right track. In the meantime I continue to wait to hear from Towson on the Production Coordinator job. I'm really excited about the possibilities that the job carries with it. The idea of being back in the theater is really awesome.

Creativity

Sometimes you're at a loss for words. Sometimes they overflow out of you so fast as to be unintelligable.

There's a tiny place where you can truly harness their power, somewhere between nothing and everything. Real writers have the ability, the RARE ability to achieve the balance necessary to find the place where the words come out in just the right way. The rest of us have to struggle to get them out; to find a way to express the truly magnificent visions of our imaginings to others.

Right now, that's all I got.

Temporal

One of the many odd side-effects of depression is a tendency to be a little more in-touch with how very short life is and how precious each moment is. (This sentence comes with 200% of your daily requirement of hyphens.) I'm not talking about anything as cliche as "live in the moment", but more that we seem to lack an appreciation for the value of the time we're given. There's an old song from the 80's, "Everybody's Working for the Weekend". The idea that you're just killing time until you can do what you want to be doing.

Well what the hell!?! What's the point of that?

Finding work that is fulfilling and interesting makes it easier, but you can't just go to work and wish away your time. No matter how boring and crappy your work is. Be in those moments...use the down time to write or think or catch up on your reading. Or just work a little harder.

I guess you can tell that my job is pretty boring

This is why philosophy, by the by. If you've ever wondered about the point of philosophy, it really comes down to thinking. It's an attempt to work out how the world works by mental means; a kind of scientific method of experimentation for the mind.

Watch the movie "The Edge" with Anthony Hopkins. It's one of my favorites and it's a great example of this idea. Basically this billionaire goes on a flight over Alaska for his birthday and they get stranded in the wilderness. All the money, power, and fame doesn't mean much when you're lost in the middle of nowhere.

Being aware of your (my) thoughts is another part of cherishing the time you have.

Trying Again

Hey, it was only a two week lapse. And I'm back, which is the important thing. Gotta' fall off the bike a couple of times before you can ride it, right?

I am sorry to say that there's nothing new to share. I'm working on getting a job as a Production Coordinator/Lighting Designer at Towson for the Department of Dance. I've got some DVDs of performances that Lynda gave me, along with a really REALLY nice recommendation letter. I think that the packet I've put together should be good enough to get me an interview. Once I have that, I think my skill and self-confidence speak for themselves. I'm a person that has made a lot of mistakes, but I've learned from them all and I keep going. That's the important part in my opinion.

It's actually kind of my motto. Strength comes from loss; nothing worth having is gained without overcoming a challenge equal to or greater than the gain. Even just facing the challenge makes you more than you were before. If I do better today than I did yesterday, I am getting better.

Today I blogged. Yesterday I didn't. One small step better.